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I have noticed that many people have a hard time saying no to others when they are asked for a favor or invited to an event that they don’t want to attend. Some folks are “people pleasers” by nature, or have been raised this way by their parents. Growing up, there may even have been harsh reprisals from strict parents for a few of my friends if they ever said no. It would be hard to undo such conditioning.

I believe that once you reach adulthood, you have earned the right to say no. Your time is precious and it shouldn’t be spent doing things you don’t want to do. Now of course, there’s a fine line between being selfish or rude and politely declining. And if a friend is truly in need of immediate help, I will always do my best to come to their aid.

The next time you find yourself at an event where you’re thinking, “I’d rather be at home in my pajamas watching Netflix or reading a good book,” ask yourself how you got there. Do you have one really pushy, social friend who ropes you into these things? Is there a committee you signed up for that you really need to quit? Did you volunteer for something that doesn’t interest you any more? These groups will continue just fine without you, so rip off that bandaid and reclaim your time.

I have recently met a person who posts their group outings on social media almost daily. One day they’re dancing on a beach, the next they’re hiking up a mountain, and always with an audience of twenty or more people. At first, I felt a little jealous and inadequate because their life looked so exciting. But then I realized that being social all the time exhausts me and I’m very happy with a quieter life. The age of selfies tries to make us feel like we need to always be performative and this is simply unrealistic. So to all the happy hermits out there, you are my people!