Comparing Ourselves to Others

Groups of passengers walking down gangway from the cruise ship MS Atlantic Star carrying luggage

As I get older, I am learning to manage feelings of envy and inferiority when I see my friends embarking on exciting trips or trying new things. My inner voice always jumps to, “Why don’t I have the motivation do something like that? What’s wrong with me?”

We all have different comfort zones. I need to constantly tell myself that it’s okay to do less than other people. My threshold of energy and desire to take risks is lower than most but that’s okay. I have had a successful career and raised a family and now I have written and published seven books. These are all worthy accomplishments.

Using the Myers-Briggs 16 personality types, I am probably an INFJ, or the counselor type. We introverts do things more quietly. We inch along behind the scenes trying to make life better for ourselves and our friends. We are dependable and reliable and our kids know we’ve got their backs. We may not be flashy but we get shit done.

Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’ve come up short? How do you manage these feelings. Please subscribe / share a comment below.


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8 responses to “Comparing Ourselves to Others”

  1. You have done a lot! I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. If you have the means and you wish to climb Mt Everest, climb Mt Everest. I don’t like hiking unless it’s on a relatively flat surface. My biggest fear is getting lost. I’m also terrified of bears and large wild cats. So being in the woods is not ideal for me. So you do what you feel comfortable doing. I think everyone wishes they were more ‘something.’ I’m older now as well, and I have few regrets about what ‘could have been.’ Where does that get you? If you have a kid or kids, and they love you, that’s a huge win. If you’ve worked hard, kept a roof over your head, that’s a huge win too. Life is difficult and you navigate that the best you can. You have good friends? That’s a win. Maybe we look at others and we feel a bit envious, but you can bet there are people that are envious of you as well.

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    1. Thank you. Yes, appreciating friends is a good place to start for sure.

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  2. I am definitely guilty of this, but am even more guilty of comparing myself to the version of myself I want to be in my own head. I think I could achieve that version of myself if there were 72 hours in each day…Practicing gratitude for what I have and what I’ve achieved helps. Reminding myself that I don’t need to put so much pressure on myself helps. And anything that helps me focus on what is in front of me helps too, so I’m not distracted by thoughts about something else (could be work, baby, working out, walking, playing music). I think social media is too good at encouraging you to compare yourself to others and it’s very unhelpful for people’s mental health around this topic. So more gratitude!

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    1. Yes, it’s so hard to focus on what is right in front of us! Gratitude is key. I am trying to love my life each day too.

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  3. When I heard other people’s tales of travel tour adventures and indulgent cruises, I figured that’s what my ideal retirement would consist of too. When the time arrived, I discovered distant travel exhausts me and cruises make me feel claustrophobic. Who knew! To thine own self be true.

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    1. Yes Judy, I agree, those cruise ship rooms are quite claustrophobic. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. lissajohnston Avatar
    lissajohnston

    I’m a Myers Briggs cousin of yours: INTJ. I rarely find myself thinking much about what others are doing, much less compare myself to them. An introvert silver lining, I guess? To each her own.

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    1. Haha, great minds! We could be soul sisters in life and writing.

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