Helping Grown-Ass Children Financially

Many people seem to think that by giving your young adult children financial help, you are enabling them to become dependent on you and thereby hindering their independence. I believe this is false.

 Young adults are having a much harder time leaving the nest now than when we were young. We personally know a number of thirty-somethings that still live with their parents. Everything has become so expensive and there are additional bills that we never had, like cell phones and internet hook-up. When we were young, you could buy a used car cheaply enough that many high school seniors already had one from just working part-time after school. Now the cost is way out of reach. I live in Vancouver, which is one of the most expensive places in North America to rent a home. Our own children have left here because it is so unaffordable. 

So why not help out your own children financially if you are able to do so? Who else are you going to help that is more important to you? Our kids know they can come to us when they’re in a bind and they do not abuse this privilege. It is their last resort. They take pride in being independent, but there are times when their pay simply cannot meet their expenses. We are their safety net and we know they are lucky to have us, especially during Covid, when so many people are flat broke. 

Of course there are some individuals who might take advantage of their parents if they offered this kind of support, but those parents already know which kid is likely to transgress. They can make an informed decision on how much is too much. They can also decide if it’s better to have that kid living in their basement until he /she is forty. In my mind, it’s better to see them out the door with a little fallback help if necessary. This way, they will learn what it feels like to be an adult out in the real world. They will probably develop a taste for their own privacy and space.  If they fail, then at least they tried. 

If we are going to bring kids into this world, then we should love and support them into adulthood. We no longer live in an era when independence comes at age eighteen or twenty. Our children need us far longer. They will fall down occasionally and we should expect it. They will be more resilient adults if they can go forth with confidence and they don’t have to live in fear of imminent homelessness if they can’t make the rent one month. They should know that there’s a warm bed or couch and a hot meal available if the shit hits the fan. That is what being a parent means.

So for all you hard-nosed parents out there, lighten up on your grown kids. They are doing the best they can and they need to be told we are proud of them occasionally, especially when they are struggling. Throw them a few bucks whenever you can. They will truly appreciate it. You are their parents after all.