Ambivalence towards Reopening

Yesterday, the BC government made the big announcement that we will gradually be returning to normal by early September. This announcement should be filling me with glee, but it has left me uneasy instead. So I am left wondering what is really going on in my psyche?

I feel a bit like an animal that’s been trapped in a cage to be rescued. I have been in the cage for some time now. Even though I have been well provided for, with clean water, food and warmth, my captors have decided that it is safe to release me back into the wild. They have just placed my cage in the middle of a field and opened the door, but I am reluctant to leave. 

During the past year and a half, I have become much more introverted. I have focused mainly on writing and learning about the book industry, with a secondary focus on getting some form of daily exercise, either a long walk outside or using the elliptical trainer I recently bought second-hand. Earlier in the pandemic, I was making an effort to phone friends to chat and keep in touch, but lately I have let this slip by the wayside. I have only seen one friend, a widow I used to work with, who lives just around the corner. I volunteer once a week at a cat shelter, so this also affords me some human contact and gets me out of the house.

So why am I not excited about socializing and going on trips again? I think generalized anxiety is holding me back. This has been a recurrent theme on my Twitter chats lately. It seems that many people are feeling the same way. We are collectively like bunnies poking our noses out of the den and twitching our whiskers to gauge the weather.

I may take a car trip within BC this summer to visit an old friend, but I have no desire to go into a crowded venue any time soon. I look forward to sitting in a cafe, but for me, live music and movie theatres will have to wait. I am just not ready. 

How are you all feeling about society opening up again? Please share a comment below.